Every woman dreams of a man that can cook right? WRONG! I thought I was one of the lucky ones because I found a man who was an aspiring chef, but while all the other women were eyeing me with envy..I was screaming inside. Yeah, sure it was all romantic at first, him cooking gourmet meals for anniversaries, valentines days, and birthdays. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world, but as we got closer to becoming engaged..it started getting to me. What was once romantic and sweet turned into annoying and frustrating. I started to question the role I played in the relationship. See I grew up watching my parents and other married couples where the women cooked, cleaned and took care of the kids and the husbands take out the garbage, mow the lawn, wash the car and so on. I began to feel a bit useless...trying to figure out what I'm going to bring to the table as a wife. Then I realized...IT"S OK!!! So what if he's going to be the one cooking most of the time....he enjoys doing it, so why make it a big deal. I'm good at other things like organizing, planning and taking care of the finances. I think we get so caught up with gender roles in relationships; the women MUST wash the clothes, the men MUST take out the garbage (I mean I would prefer not to....but if the garbage stinks are you really going to leave it there until your husband comes home?) Don't get me wrong...I'm not judging those women who wait for their husbands to do all of the "manly" jobs like change a light bulb, but it doesn't work that way in my marriage. We kicked all those societal gender roles to the curb and it works for us. We explored our different strengths and weaknesses and distinguished roles based on those things, like cooking...definitely not my strength. For the other things that may not be so complicated like washing the clothes/dishes or taking out the garbage..that's based on who is available to get it done. NOT being in the kitchen, NOT wearing an apron, and NOT cooking a meal does NOT make me less of a woman. I have other strengths and skills and I refuse to let gender roles define me. My marriage is different, unconventional...does not follow tradition and that's ok with me! Let me know how you feel about the different roles in a marriage. Do you think its important to distinguish roles? Who should be responsible for which jobs in the home? How does it work in your marriage? Do you wait until your husband gets home to fix something that's broken? Can't wait to read your comments and opinions!
I have been married for a year and four months now. For the majority of the time, I was only finishing up grad school, and quit my full time job in order to focus on my studies and take care of our home. I took on the "female" role. I did the cooking, cleaning, laundry, organizing, etc, while my husband focused on being the provider and taking care of the cars, garbage, and maintenance around our home. I have always been the neat freak-everything needs to look perfect-person ever since I can remember.
ReplyDeleteMy type A personality doesn't help either lol. But my husband and I discussed the home responsibilities would need to be distributed differently once I graduated and took on a full-time job.
I am happy to say, I am in the middle of the fourth week of starting my professional career and taking on a full-time job. Just as my husband and I discussed, things are shifting a little bit. He's not the best cook, but he tries to get dinner started so I can finish it when I get home, and I absolutely appreciate it. He reaches earlier than I do on most days, so he also takes care of any dishes in the sink. When he knows I'm too tired, he'll offer to order out, or we'll go out for dinner (usually Chipotle.. haha).
The other day, he and I did laundry together! I ended up doing all the folding, but I really appreciated his effort. We're slowly, but surely, figuring it out. I don't think our roles in the relationship are changing because I still consider him the head of the household, and the fact that he helps out around the house a little more does not make him less of a man in my eyes. If anything, at the end of the day it reminds me how blessed I am and respect him even more for not letting gender roles define him.